i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
