i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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