the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
