Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My ass is underappreciated
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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