She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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