don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
