escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
