I can text with my tongue
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
