ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
