fuck your aforementioned shoe
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
