I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
