Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
