i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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