ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
