Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
