His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
