also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
