I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
