That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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