Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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