Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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