Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
