p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
