U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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