you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
