I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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