they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
