Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
