It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
