dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
