You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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