Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
