You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
