I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How's work?
Spinning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
