After last night, I could never be a politician.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it glows. i had to have it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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