I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize