Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
