shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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