he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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