my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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