i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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