i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
