So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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