Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
