the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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