Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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