I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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