No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
