I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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