you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
