none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
