Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
