I should be sponsored by Trojan
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
