I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
