Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
