I bet he comes in French.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
