Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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