my mouth tastes like poor choices
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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