btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
