I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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