some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
