i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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