I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
