i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
