yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
