After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
