You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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