Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize