she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
