i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
